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17 augustus Oh Great! *note sarcasm*I have another one. I'll start describing and you see how long it takes for you to guess:
If you figured out it's another old admirer, wahoo! You should have gotten it by description #2. I don't even know this one's name but he brought me a beautiful floral arrangement yesterday. He said, "Beautiful flowers for a beautiful girl." Well, he almost had 'beautiful girl barf' on his shoes! J/K, accually, I didn't know what to do...flowers??? This has never happened before! Normally I just get hit on, not courted! And his reasoning is slightly fuzzy to me. He had come in early afternoon yesterday. He came right in asking how my vacation was and told me about his vacation in Anchorage. When I finally steared the convo to business and asked, "What can I do for you today?" he smiled and replied with something like, "Just seeing if you'd had lunch *hand tap* and a key ring actually". He was looking for a specific sized key ring. We only had the size smaller and size bigger so I told him to hit up WalMart. He noticed a flyer on the counter from my candyman about his van for sale. I told him to take the flyer, cuz we had two, and give him a call. I mentioned that the candyman was very nice and would be thrilled to hear of his interest in the van. Later that afternoon, he showed up with the flowers and was driving the candyman's van. I think I only got an "Oh my!" out cuz I didn't really have a clue on what to do and he said, "Beautiful flowers for a beautiful girl." GIRL, yes girl! Like grandaughter girl! I guess the flowers were to thank me for the lead on buying the van, but that sounds kinda iffy to me. The man does have a wedding ring but who knows? My boss thought this was all very humorous and said I probably only had to worry if he bought me candy. That's all I need, fattening up! He's probably some cannibal and wants to eat me! Oh well, as I drove home I thought maybe next time he's in, I'll mention my love of diamonds and see what happens! Naaah, who knows what would be in the 'small print' if he did that, yuck! I'm going to make a new category for my Old Men Admirers.
14 april And the Bile Worthy Customer Award goes to...First I would like to say eww followed by ick.
 I get some funky old guys hitting on me but the one yesterday blew them all away. He needed 10 keys made and then have them put on individual key rings...no problem. I finish, he signs the tab, then hits me with it: "Have you ever considered modeling?" <--notice the color of his speaking is in barf green
"Umm, no." I'm just waiting for the rest of a pick-up line but curious cuz he has a wedding ring.
"Well I photograph," hands me his card, "and it's...bla bla bla...(I'm noticing the pic on the card)...so look up the website and give me a call if you'd like."
Trying not to look weirded out,
 "Uh...ok, have a nice day, bye."The card was a black and white photo of a naked woman from the back, one had against the wall, the other holding a scarf covering her back and just managing to cover her butt. You can see all the curves though. He shoots 'sensual' photography in rural settings.
 My first thought is banjo music, greased up, buck naked with a pig. Just for curiosity's sake I look up the website. Um, eww. No actual nudity is shown but like see through lingerie and sheer tops still allow visuals.The thoughts going through my head went like this:
"...maybe I should be flattered
 ...come on, there are no good looking people in this town so it doesn't take much to qualify...but should I feel flattered?...he's a creepy grey haired married man that wants to see your boobies...ewwie that's just gross...maybe a little flattering...looking at your boobies...ok, sick! Not flattering, that is so gross!"In my shock I had to tell someone so I called Mark who came up with, "You must look really good today!"
I'm too grossed out to think that statement over and respond with a laugh instead because I slept in this morning so I didn't bother to put my contacts in and my glasses make me look kinda like a school marm I think , plus my hair is kinda messy and I only put on mascara this morning. I don't look like a model to put it simply. My boss showed up so I told him the story and showed him the card. He laughed. My moral of the story: It's spring and the freaks are in full bloom! Watch out!Author's note: The "
" smiley was used 5 times in this blog. Watch Mark's Video!!!21 maart My CustomersThese are the people I have to work for:
Construction Guy: He is a regular, from one of our big accounts. In his 40's and likes to hunt and fish. I talk to my customers all the time so I mentioned my likes for hunting and fishing too.(I've been a hunter and fisher since I was a little kid and love it. Except I can only hunt a specific kind of stupid but tasty bird, everything else is too much like shooting Disney characters to me!) Anyway, this guy thought it was just great that we had this in common and could just see by my BeBe, leather soled, lipstick red, ankle strap, complete with bow, 3 1/2 in. heels that I was the rugged type of woman he was looking for! He was always flirty but finally after spending a morning getting drugged up and numbed by the dentist (and I think he had drank quite a bit too) he got the courage to ask me out. Luckily he was too drug induced to remember his phone number.
 But he tried calling it to make sure and got an old lady on the other end. Now every time I see him I think he's too embarrassed to even attempt anything! Thank you Lord!German RVer: He has a thick accent and is in his 70s. He drives a huge nice RV and comes to me for whatever ails him. Very nice and friendly. The only reason I bring him up is because of what he calls me. He opens the door and as soon as he sees me he gets a big smile and says:
 "There's my little magician!" He is just astounded by the little ways I can fix his problems; it's really cute and he doesn't hit on me!Spa Creep: Probably early 50's, he came in for some lock work and keys cut. While he was here he mentioned that he had a bed & breakfast way up in the woods and was making a brochure for it. He had a nice hot tub and wanted to know if I would be willing to model in it for the brochure. He would pay me and even make me dinner. *EEEK!* Red Flags, Red Flags!
I turned him down and he left me pics of the hot tub and his number just in case I changed my mind. Ick!Mafia Man Seeks Mistress: 40's, accountant or lawyer, I can't remember; he wore pinstripe suits and just look like a mob guy. Chrissy saw him and thought mobster too especially since he even had a henchman.
 He lived about 45 min away in another city but worked here and came in to get a new lock for his door. It was like an $800 lock and of course he shrugged it off to me like 'no problem'. He was married and even had kids but he threw his money around and looked me up and down like he was majorly trying to impress. Chrissy and I figured this guy just wanted a mistress. I was perfect; very young and lived in another city than his wife! Luckily he got his lock and everything and I haven't had to deal with him since...although it might have been nice to get a diamond or two out of him...eww, what am I saying!Miss Agent Orange: Can you say psychotic?! I felt very bad for her. 60's or 70's and was a nurse in Vietnam. She had us rekeying her house more times than anyone in the history of the universe I think. She swore up and down that a guy followed her up here from Oregon. He tormented her there and moved up here when she did to torment her again. Of course this guy was good; he could pick into anything (which isn't usually possible). He would break into her house and never take anything, but move things around to let her know he was there. She said his calling card was pennies. He would leave pennies all over the place which was his way of taunting her (I know it would bug me! No body uses pennies anymore, they just cause clutter...clutter tormenting!
 ) Anyway, she had called the cops a few times and after a while of looking into the case, they told her to seek a good psychologist! Luckily we don't have to deal with her anymore.Paranoid Israeli: This guy was never even a customer! In about his 70's or 80's, he would just come in and talk for like 45 min at a time telling me the same thing over and over about how the government was stalking him. His neighbor was a spy even. They killed his wife with stress and he would keep telling me that stress was a whoopun (weapon). He also told me that they even poisoned the food he bought at the grocery store
(you know how smart the government is! they knew which products he would buy ahead of time!) This is pretty much all I can say because it would take me about 30 min to finally get used to and understand him with his heavy accent!The archive pick this week:07 januari The "Men" in my life!Men make up the majority of my customers so I have lots of male experiences throught my day. There have been three particular ones today that I will share:
01 september My random thoughtsOne of the 'joys' of living in a retirement community is that I have to deal with elderly men whom I believe along with their daily cholesterol, heart, liver, and spleen medication, they throw in Viagra for a kick! For some strange reason, the elderly male population finds me very attractive and they are not hesitant to let me know how they feel. I have been hit on and asked out so much that for a while I had to wear a fake wedding ring to ward the wrinkled creatures off! Now I have been called a gold digger before...I love big diamonds and nice cars and expensive shoes...but there is NO WAY I'm going to stoop so low just for cash. I do have a high respect for gold diggers however. They are, after all, only playing fair. An elderly man who wants a companion can either find a nice widow or get one of those nasty ankle-biters which some consider dogs . An elderly man who wants something else, will chase the tails of every 20 year old with the vigor of his youthful days of 50! So I see it as him obviously going into the "relationship" for only one Viagra enhanced reason, and it only serves him right that the girl has only one rea$on for dating him too! She is obviously smarter though because her be$t intere$t is genuine and not medically achieved. His interest will eventually kill him, which might not be too bad cuz then he'd die happy, or will just wither away . But the money's not going anywhere, until she spends it, and when she does..."See you at your wake grandpa, I'm outta here!" So in all actuality this should teach men that Viagra takes their money, not young women! |
Padded Cell Confessions turned 1 year old on August 16th! I remember starting to blog and Mark telling me that I should quit cuz nobody would read it...hehehe.|
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